Where I've Been Hiding
When I come home from my typical 9 hour day at work, it doesn't end there. I'm usually starving since my "lunch" break is at 10:50am, and I'm usually already ready for sweats, my toothbrush, and my bed. But it's not over. The stack of papers I have to grade has traveled home with me, the colored markers are neatly on my desk. Different correcting colors for different moods. (A lot of red lately.) The list of things to do after that is never-ending: write agendas, type out meeting minutes, plan lessons and units and tests, write lessons and units and tests, PPT forms, SAT forms, behavioral sheets, etc...etc...etc....
I won't bore you. It's a tough job. And lately it's gotten tougher. The disrespect, the cell phones, the sense of entitlement of these hormonal teens is astonishing at times. For a job I felt I was born to do, I also have been feeling physically and mentally worn down. And it's not even November. There are only 38 days until my next day off! How I love you, Thanksgiving!
Today it dawned on me. Will I last working in the profession that I studied for a longer time than I actually studied it? I was in school for six years to become a high school English teacher. I'm currently in my third year as a high school English teacher and I feel myself burning out and getting frustrated faster than I ever thought possible. Everyone that knows me knows that teaching is in my blood. What would my mom and lifelong teacher think if I walked away? What would my two favorite teachers of mine think if they knew I wanted out? How would my administrator feel, the one who tells me that I get through to students like no one she's seen before? Will I feel better after a short Thanksgiving break? Will I enter my classroom on December 1st feeling refreshed, and re-energized, or will I just begin the countdown to Christmas break? Will my students suddenly care what I'm teaching them about English, about learning, and about life more than they care who is on their cell phones?
I've been hiding in my books, worksheets, lesson plans and computer. I miss writing in my blog. I miss creating greeting cards, talking to my friends, spending time with my family, having a more flavorful social life. Unfortunately I am not so sure those are free options now when my little free time is spent planning, correcting, meeting, and continuously thinking about my future, and sometimes, just sitting and doing nothing.
But will I ever actually walk away from teaching?
I won't bore you. It's a tough job. And lately it's gotten tougher. The disrespect, the cell phones, the sense of entitlement of these hormonal teens is astonishing at times. For a job I felt I was born to do, I also have been feeling physically and mentally worn down. And it's not even November. There are only 38 days until my next day off! How I love you, Thanksgiving!
Today it dawned on me. Will I last working in the profession that I studied for a longer time than I actually studied it? I was in school for six years to become a high school English teacher. I'm currently in my third year as a high school English teacher and I feel myself burning out and getting frustrated faster than I ever thought possible. Everyone that knows me knows that teaching is in my blood. What would my mom and lifelong teacher think if I walked away? What would my two favorite teachers of mine think if they knew I wanted out? How would my administrator feel, the one who tells me that I get through to students like no one she's seen before? Will I feel better after a short Thanksgiving break? Will I enter my classroom on December 1st feeling refreshed, and re-energized, or will I just begin the countdown to Christmas break? Will my students suddenly care what I'm teaching them about English, about learning, and about life more than they care who is on their cell phones?
I've been hiding in my books, worksheets, lesson plans and computer. I miss writing in my blog. I miss creating greeting cards, talking to my friends, spending time with my family, having a more flavorful social life. Unfortunately I am not so sure those are free options now when my little free time is spent planning, correcting, meeting, and continuously thinking about my future, and sometimes, just sitting and doing nothing.
But will I ever actually walk away from teaching?
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