I Believe

I believe that to go from lovers to friends might be one of the hardest things a girl can do. Devoting time and love to someone special everyday is fun, fulfilling, and heartwarming. But like they say, all good things must come to an end. It's okay. I tell myself this is for the better and I know I will be just fine.

You hold each other for the last time, not wanting to let go. You cry together and wipe each others tears away hoping the pain won't last long. All the memories flash before you, making your heart smile while simultaneously causing heartache.

I liked our time together. I loved the things we did have in common and enjoyed learning about the uncommon interests of each other. I liked how he made me laugh and I liked hearing his laugh. I liked how he made me feel. I liked his family and their kindness and welcoming arms. Maybe it was wasted love, maybe it was one-sided, maybe it was not love at all.

I don't want to dwell on the good. Those glorydays and the people in them have a special place in my heart, no hard feelings. I just think it's sad. Sad that we tried and really had some lovely times but it just didn't work. Some things in life are not meant to be, this must be one of them. I believe it was at least one step closer to the real thing, wherever and whatever that might be. I believe that sometimes we might never know if something is for real until we completely let go. I believe if life brings these things back around to us it is for a special reason.

No one knows what the future holds.

One of my biggest dreams in life is to write a book. Sometimes it takes an epiphany like this to write about, to promote ideas into my head. I don't quite know what type of book it will be or what it will be about. I've started writing many times and many times gotten caught up in life leaving it to collect dust. I like to think that the most important people throughout my whole life will play the characters as I envision them.

Sometimes it's charming to do something for myself. Some people live like this everyday, but for my own good, my own health, and my own successful future I did what I had to do. I did not mean to hurt anyone in my actions but sometimes pain is inevitable. I believe God and my friends and family will guide me.

I go to sleep at night and long for the warmth of his body to be next to mine, his hand holding mine. I fall asleep to these thoughts and sometimes in my dreams they come true. It's still fresh to me, but with time these thoughts and emotions will fade. I roll over and wish to hear him there in my safe place. I guess that's why at age 24 I still have my stuffed animal, someone to hold on to that will never leave me. I cherish the idea of having someone to wish a good night to. I miss him making me smile and I miss making him smile, putting him before myself. Everything in life is a learning experience and this is no different than anything else I've been through.

I think about him and I wonder if he is thinking about me.

So many song lyrics make me cry. Some remind me of him, some remind me of other loves past. I believe we all control our own happiness; if I hear a sad song all I have to do is hit next. On to the next one, in so many ways.

I anticipate the arrival of May 15th and what comes in the same package as my Master's degree. My freedom to look for a new job in perhaps a new city and state. My entrance exam to the real world, which I am confident I will pass in the highest percentile. I am mature, strong, and becoming more and more independent by the day. I am delighted to meet the real world and I hope that we treat each other well. The glass is always half full in my eyes and I will always turn life's lemons into something sweet. I admire my mother more than anyone in the world and I have the special connection with my sister that only twins can have.

My best friends have told me I'm very thoughtful, maybe that's why I think so much. My mind is always on the go, but I think it's gotten me to where I am today by using it's 6-speed engine. I figured for a guy who loves cars the perfect pick up line was "Do you have jumper cables?" I was fooled. I have learned and continue to learn from my mistakes, as do most human beings. I believe being down to earth and respecting other human being's feelings is of utmost importance in the world. I am confident that good things come to those who wait, to those who try hard, so I will wait for a man who will treat me as he treats himself and who loves and appreciates me with an equal amount of love and appreciation that I give to him.

I believe my life is headed in the right direction. I believe everything I have worked so hard for will come back to reward me because I believe in karma. I believe that what does not kill me will only make me stronger.